Rosacea Tips: How To Survive Party Season
When people just won't stop commenting on your skin
Are you gearing up for some intense socialising over the next few weeks? This post is for you.
I’ve written a lot about unsolicited advice over the years but I wanted to gather it all together in one place for ease. So here are my tips for surviving this time of year when we’re around more people and are potentially receiving more unsolicited comments, questions and advice.
I’m sharing some tips to help you prepare, some phrases that should rebuff even the most persistent of commenters, and a few things to bear in mind. I hope you find them useful.
A reminder
This time of year can be tricky: you might be seeing people you haven’t seen in a while, or meeting new people. And some of those people may have thoughts and suggestions about your face… and they won’t be shy when it comes to sharing them!
I try to remember that most people are coming from a place of concern. They see an issue and they want to help. So, although comments about my appearance feel very personal (because they are!) I try to approach these interactions with understanding.
Feel free to share any phrases or tactics you find useful for social situations in the comments so we can all learn together!
Things you can do before
If you’re going to be at someone else’s house:
Consider messaging the host to explain the situation in advance. This avoids an awkward conversations in front of others.
You could mention that your skin is flaring up and you really don’t want to talk about it. Or you could ask if the heating could be turned down a notch to make your visit more comfortable. Think about ways in which they could help, because most people would much rather you asked so that they could help, rather than have you miserable (and if they wouldn’t… why are you socialising with them in the first place?)
Practice how you think conversations about your skin might go, including some of the answers suggested below. Preparation can help you to feel more in control which can reduce anxiety when going into social situations.
This will also help if you think you might get flustered in the moment and not know what to say.
Things to think about:
Who is the comment coming from? Your response may differ depending on if it’s a family member, a colleague, a stranger, an adult, a child…
Has the comment been made in private or public?
Do you feel comfortable answering questions or would you rather shut the conversation down?
Do you think they’re asking/commenting in good faith?
Things you can do during
Prioritise doing whatever you need to do to feel comfortable in that situation:
Stand away from open fires/radiators/central heating fans
Use a hand-held electrical fan to keep cool
Turn down boozy beverages if you don’t want to drink (no matter how much people try to convince you!)
Wear layers so you can remove some to easily cool down
Escape the room/party if you need to: offer to run an errand, fake a phone call, say you’re getting some air, and don’t be afraid to be the first to leave (some one has to be!)
Things to say in the moment
I’ve tried to share some common scenarios and ways in which you can deal with them, but as with everything you can tweak and change them to suit your needs.
Many people say things without thinking, they might want to help or genuinely don’t realise that it might be an uncomfortable or upsetting conversation for you. So having some phrases and this mindset ready to go before you’re put in that situation can be really useful. Afterall, forewarned is forearmed.
REMEMBER: you don’t owe anyone an explanation or information. If you don’t want to talk about your skin, you don’t have to. That might be because you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t want to get upset, or because you’ve already had this conversation with them (!), you always have options.
If you would like to educate them:
Explain the situation. If you have the emotional capacity - and patience - you could try to educate them about the topic. This will hopefully mean that they won’t ask the same questions next time!
“I have rosacea, it’s an inflammatory skin condition that can flare up with certain triggers like xyz. That’s why my skin is red and why I’m being careful with xyz today.”
Correct them. If someone is trying to give you advice that you do not want, or know is incorrect (typically people think rosacea is the same as acne), you can politely correct them.
“I don’t think that treatment would work for me as I have rosacea and my skin is very sensitive, but don’t worry I’m seeing a great doctor who is helping me with my skin.”
If you want to politely change the subject:
“Yes my rosacea is playing up a bit today, but I’ve not seen you in ages so let’s talk about something more interesting… [follow up with a question that will get them talking about themselves]”
“Oh yes my skin hates this weather, but that’s boring, I’d rather talk about your new job/recent holiday/*insert celebrity gossip/political nightmare fuel/generic festive waffle*!”
Make your excuses and remove yourself from the situation. A bathroom break, offering to get some drinks, getting some fresh air… anything to put some distance between you and the topic and hope they lose interest in the conversation by the time you get back.
If you want to set a boundary:
Acknowledge and dismiss the conversation. Make it clear that you’ve heard the question but that you don’t want to talk about it.
“I don’t want to talk about my skin as I’m just trying to forget about it and enjoy my day, but thank you for worrying about me”
“I’m not looking for recommendations, I’m following a set routine that has been recommended by experts in rosacea”
“I’d rather not talk about my skin if that’s okay?”
If you want to make it clear you’re not happy with their questions:
“I don’t think it’s polite or kind to make personal comments about someone’s appearance, please don’t do that again”
“My skin isn’t anyone’s business, I don’t want to talk about it with you”
“Are you a dermatologist?”
“…[pause so they know you’ve heard them]… anyway, what’s new with you?”
If you’ve had enough and are ready to choose violence:
“Would you like me to point out some of your physical flaws as well?”
“I have an incurable skin condition but thanks so much for asking about it so loudly and publicly!”
“That’s really rude, why would you say that?”
What are your favourite responses to people asking about or commenting on your skin? Leave them in the comments to inspire us!
Some things to remember:
Try to reinterpret hurtful, rude, or intrusive comments.
Comments about your appearance can feel very personal (for obvious reasons!). It’s easy for us to interpret questions or remarks through the lens of our own experiences. But try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view: maybe they’re curious, concerned, or just really socially awkward!
By removing some of our negative learned responses, we can view the conversation in a more neutral light and be kind and generous in our reaction.
Practice mindfulness.
Being present in the moment, mindful breathing, using positive affirmations… these are all great ways to reduce stress, build resilience with regards to your appearance, and stop your spiralling after a negative comment or difficult question.
It’s not you, it’s them.
If people cannot respect your boundaries around discussing your skin, that is their problem and not yours. You deserve to enjoy a social gathering just as much as everyone else, and it is your decision whether you want to talk about your health - especially with a stranger.
Be kind to yourself.
Someone commenting on your appearance can be incredibly hurtful and I know that it can be tempting to pre-emptively cut yourself off from situations and people for fear of stares, comments, and unkind or impolite questions.
But no one’s opinion of you, or words said about you, are as important and meaningful as the way your feel about yourself. Don’t let it ruin your day, holiday, or your time with loved ones. No matter how your skin looks or feels, please don’t be tempted to cancel your plans. Your friends and family love you and want to see you, rosacea and all.
Your skin doesn’t define you.
No matter what, please remember that - as I always say - your skin does not define you. In fact, it’s the least interesting thing about you.
I really hope you found this article useful, feel free to screenshot any of the phrases you would like to remember so you can practice them before your next social occasion.
